January 24 Humor

* One March day my wife said the house needed painting. “It’s still winter,” I replied. “Forget it.” In April, she told me she had bought some exterior latex, I said, “It was still too cold to paint.” In May, I heard her outside one day yelling for help in we set up the ladder so she could start painting. I went inside to get a can of beer. As I sat in a lawn chair not far from where my wife was working, a neighbor passed by. “Aren’t you ashamed?” She asked. “How can you sit there drinking a can of beer while your wife is up on a ladder painting the house?” Glancing up at my wife, I responded, “she doesn’t like beer.”

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding convertible on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was as surprised to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights, the trooper turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “Pull over!” “No,” the blonde yelled back, “it’s a scarf.”

A banker approaches the pearly gates sweating and struggling with a very heavy suitcase. St. Peter greets him and says “Set down the suitcase and, come on in.” “No way barks the banker, I have to bring it in with me.” “What could possibly be in the suitcase that is so important you brought it into eternity with you”? asked Peter. The banker opens the suitcase to reveal 50 gold bricks. Saint Peter’s jaw drops open and he asks, “you brought pavement?”