July 4 Humor

* A lawyer and a doctor who were having dinner at the country club. “I have a real problem,” the doctor said to the lawyer. “Members of this club ask me for all kinds of medical advice. They search my practice. What can I do?”  “That’s easy,” said the attorney,  “send them a bill.” Two days later the doctor received a bill from the lawyer.

* I decided to spoof the unrealistic, glowing self descriptions found in most personal ads, so I sent the following listing to our local newspaper: “DWM, short, fat, aged, falling apart inside and out, constantly broke, usually drunk, seeking attractive, intelligent, single, divorced, white female to confirm my ex-wife’s opinion. No hurry.” Imagine how I felt when the first reply message I got was from someone I had been casually dating for a few months: “Bill is that your ad I just saw in the paper?”

# When my son Christopher was 10 years old, he asked me to help with a classroom assignment he was given. “I have to make a list of the things that had not yet been invented when you were 10.” he said, pencil poised over paper. “Well, for starters, the wheel,” I replied waiting patiently for the laugh that never came. I felt even worse when he wrote it down. “Okay, the wheel,” he said. “What else?”