May 17 Humor

 * At the breakfast table one morning, my husband was bemoaning his poor record in the stock market. I in turn, was telling him about my latest diet, one of many that I had tried and failed.   “You know honey,” he said looking up from the stock market section of the newspaper, “You’re the only investment I have ever made that doubled.”

 # Two buddies were commenting on their friend Harry’s bad luck at the track. The first one said, “It is funny: you know how lucky Harry is at cards and how unlucky he is on the horses.” His buddy said, “Nothing funny about it, they won’t let Harry shuffle the horses.”

 * The 84-year-old retired stockbroker was admitted to our hospital intensive care unit, suffering from a peptic ulcer and in shock from internal hemorrhaging. As intravenous lines were started, fluid was infused and his vital signs improved rapidly. A nurse dramatically announced his blood pressure readings as they started to climb from the the shock level of 60 and increased to 70, 80,  90… There was no doubt about the patient’s successful recovery when, and midst her calling the values, he suddenly yelled, “When it gets to 110, sell.”