May 4 Humor

* A few of the locals sat on the porch all of the general store when a city slicker came flying up in his convertible sports car, slammed on the brakes raising a cloud of dust and yelled to the folks, “How long is this town been dead?” One of the natives said, “Can’t be too long, you’re the first buzzard we’ve seen.”

# Most of the performers I’ve worked with in television are charming and cooperative. Once during the filming of a cosmetics commercial we were faced with an extremely temperamental celebrity spokeswoman. She arrives on the set with a hair tucked under a bandanna, when no one recognized her, she was highly offended and made sure to let everyone know. “I can’t believe it,” she’d droned on during our lunch break. “They thought I was the script girl or something.” Sitting across from the prima donna was the script girl. “I know exactly how you feel,” the younger woman said. “Sometimes when I’m in a really bad mood, people think I’m the actress.”

% While we vacationed in Maine I went down to the general store to get a paper. Unfamiliar with the various editions I asked the proprietor if this was the morning or the evening paper? He replied, “Son, the papers up here are delivered once a day, If you read it in the morning it is the morning paper and if your read it at night it is the evening paper.”