* Speaker: “I have been allotted only ten minutes for this topic and I don’t know where to begin”. One of the crowd called out, “Begin at the ninth minute.”

* Upon entering the room of a hotel a woman recognized a prominent government official pacing up and down the floor and asked what he was doing. He said he was getting ready to give a speech. She asked, “Do you usually get this nervous before talking to large crowd” He denied the allegation, “I never get nervous.”   “In that case”,  she inquired “What are you doing in the ladies room?”

My friend Anna and I were eating in a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Anna the environmentalist made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair. “As an environmentalist”, she declared, “I do not approve of destroying trees for throwaway utensils”. The waiter inspected her chopsticks carefully and commented, “They are the very beautiful, made of Elephant Ivory”