* A woman made a right hand turn from the left lane and collided with another car. The driver of the other car angrily asked, “Why lady didn’t you signal you were going to turn?”  She did not hesitate for a moment and answered, “Mister, I always turn here.”

* Dad, before you were married, who told you how to drive?

My sister decided to go on a diet. The first evening she phoned me, I could tell her mouth was full, so I asked her what she was eating. “Just a few Oreos,” she mumbled. “I just got on the scale and it said 149 1/2 pounds. I decided it was no place to start a diet, so I’m rounding it off to 150.”