Russian Elections?
Boris Vishnevsky, a veteran Russian opposition politician, was gearing up to run in elections this month when he learned that two of his opponents would not only have the same name as him, but even the same facial hair in their official portraits. They are recruited doppelgangers. The 65-year-old is seeking to reelection to his seat in St. Petersburg’s Legislative Assembly and Boris accuses the Putin government of fielding “spoiler” candidates to confuse his voters and reduce his chance of winning. He said the two other Boris Vishnevskys had changed their names and surnames, and even altered their appearances in their election photographs to look more like him. The real Boris posted a photograph of the three of them on Twitter. The two other candidates could not be reached for comment. A complaint by Vishnevsky demanding that his rivals use their previous names on the ballot so that the three candidates could be distinguished was rejected by the election commission. The commission said, “their different middle names were enough,” the government TASS news agency reported. “At each election for many years now we say that these were the dirtiest and most dishonest elections ever, and then the next one comes and we say the same phrase. It turns out the previous elections were better and today’s are even worse,” Boris said.
But wait, there is more…
In Povalikhino, a small town in rural Russia, official elections must have at least two candidates. So, Nikolai Loktev, the 58-year-old incumbent mayor, asked the city hall’s 35-year-old cleaning lady to join him on the ballot as a formality. Loktev’s plan didn’t work out quite as planned; Marina Udgodskaya earned 62% of the vote to Loktev’s 34%. A local said, “If we could have voted against everyone we would have done that, but we had the option to vote for Marina, so we did.” Initially, Marina was going to resign the position, but she would have to fund a new election if she refused the new job. The mayor’s assistant has faith in the newly elected mayor, “I think she’ll cope. The whole village will help.” The Russian establishment pre-selects winners and losers, going to great lengths to prevent viable opponents from even appearing on the ticket.
Holy Apparatchik
A woman is flirting with a Russian man at a bar:
She says, “Hi, handsome, what do you do for a living?”
The Russian replies, “I work for KGB.”
“Cool, tell me an interesting story!”
“About me or about you?”
Oh man, you know what my favorite thing about being Russian is?
Getting to vote in American elections.
Russia started a new website that tracks down and deletes pirated movies.
Nyetflix.
Three men are in a Russian prison cell:
The first man says, “I’m here because I criticized Yevgeny Prigozhin.”
The second man says, “I’m here because I spoke in favor of Yevgeny Prigozhin.”
The third man says, “I am Yevgeny Prigozhin.”
November 4th Birthdays
1996 – Fivel Stewart, 1992 – Kiana Madiera, 1970 – Samantha Smith, 1937 – Lorretta Swit
1961 – Ralph Macchio, 1988 – Dez Bryant, 1991 – Jean Luc Bilodeau, 1969 – Matthew McConaughey