Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening at an investment seminar spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. “I may look just like ordinary geek,” he said to her, “but in a few years, my father will die, and I will inherit $20 million.” Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three months later, she became his stepmother. Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

“It seems that England’s royal family is running out of money. They are down to just $1.6 billion. Well sure, that’s what happens when nobody in your family has had a job for the last thousand years.”

“This week investors will be able to buy shares of Facebook stock for the first time ever. It’s great — now you can waste all your money in the same place you waste all your time.”

Don’t marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper.