The judge asked the prosecutor in his chambers, “What has this man done?” The prosecutor said, “He has not done anything illegal, he was a witness to a robbery that ended up in murder. We are keeping him here until he testifies.” The judge asked, “where is the murderer?” The prosecutor replied sheepishly, “The perp is out on bail.”

John Smith had the misfortune to be a witness to an armed robbery. The police came and began to take statements. The investigating officer approached him and asked his name. He answered “John Smith.” The cop replied, “Cut the comedy and give me your name.” “All right,” John replied, “put me down as Winston Churchill.” The cop said, “That’s more like it, you cannot pull that John Smith crap on me.”

Q: What’s the difference between a stripper’s boyfriend and aspirin? A: Aspirin works.

The prosecutor hammered the accused on the stand. “You still insist you are innocent in spite of the fact that seven witnesses swear they saw you steal the necklace.” “If you want witnesses, your honor, I can provide 70 witnesses that will swear they never saw me steal it.”