You think you’re hot
With our temperature in the 90’s, and many of us are hoping the dark clouds will actually produce some relief for us humans, our grass and plants. This of course means it is time to consider the humble…OK, grumpy, Polar bear. How do you think these massive bodies cope with the heat? Mostly, they can just swim North and find a seal meal. Polar bears can swim as much as 1000 miles while looking for food. So much for the coke commercial with iceberg melting. Polar Bears are the Biggest Bears by weight: Male polar bears can grow to be more than eight feet long and weigh upward of 1,700 pounds. The females are comparative lightweights at about 6.5 feet long and 650 pounds — though that’s still a lot to bear. Grizzlies that live in US territory can be 8 feet tall, but are slimmer by a couple hundred pounds. Grizzly bears and Polar Bears share bad dispositions and both species sadly will kill just for fun of it. Polar bears are great swimmers and spend much of their time in the water which also keeps them cool. Some Polar bears can swim 6 miles per hour, compare that to Michael Phelps who won the Olympics at 4.7 mph.
Polar bears skin is not white, it is really black to absorb the heat from the sun when they get above sea level. Their fur though is actually translucent so the light bouncing around inside each hair shaft makes the fur look white. Which is great idea because it makes catching seals and some land animals a lot easier on the snow. They also have an advantage especially when chasing humans, because the callouses on their paws grow in ridges that allow them have traction on the ice. Polar Bears have a ridiculous sense of smell. According to some experts, a Polar bear can smell seals 20 miles away. Perhaps that way they work up an appetite by the time they catch up with their lunch. These bears are also willing to travel for lunch as well. While their brother grizzly bears usually have marked territory, Polar bears often go wherever the current takes them, though not always on ice flows. Their range can be as large as California, but usually colder.
Those cuddly bears in the commercials really are called lipovores, or fat feeders. The reason for that is staying warm in Arctic conditions, Of course, eating seals who live in Artic water means their dinner is always greasy. Their digestive systems actually prefer fatty foods and sometimes if they have too many land animals they get indigestion. There is no known Pepto Bismol for Polars bear yet, but watch your tv commercials for progress from the drug companies. The question is who will administer the antacid?
While there are a few mixed race bears nicknamed “grolar bears” or “pizzlies.” Most Polar bears stick to their own and many males will just batch most of their life chasing seals. These bears got their official Scientific name from the ancient Greeks who imagined bears in the star constellations at night. So it was logical when they named the region where these bears lived they named the frigid land, Arctic meaning “Near the bears.”
So, if the summer doldrums have you down, just be thankful you are not a Polar bear and wait a few weeks for cooler weather.
Polar Puns
What is a bear that likes to spend his summers at the north pole and his winters at the south?
A bi-polar bear.
My Uncle used to tell me there were two Polands.
One at the north pole and one at the South pole.
Why doesn’t Santa have any millennial elves?
Because there are already enough snowflakes at the North Pole.
What is a polar bear’s favorite government agency?
I.C.E.
Birthdays on July 14th
1988 – Sara Canning, 1960 – Jane Lynch, 1970 – Missy Gold, 1985 – Phoebe Waller-Bridge
1989 – Connor McGregor, 1967 – Matthew Fox, 2000 – Sean Flynn, 1979 – Roger Clark