December 2nd Humor

* Late at night one of the inmates at an insane asylum yelled out, “I am Napoleon.” Across the hall someone yelled back, “How do you know?”    Napoleon said, “God told me.”    From another room a voice yelled out, “I did not.”

@ A man walked into the barber shop and asked for a shave. At that the apprentice jumped up and asked, “May I shave him, it will be good practice?” The master barber thought for a minute and said, “OK, but be careful, don’t cut yourself.”

A wild-looking man dressed in a Napoleonic costume and holding his hand inside his coat entered the psychiatrist’s office and nervously announced, “Doctor, I need your help right away.” “I can see that,” replied the doctor. “Please lie down on the couch and tell me your problem.” “I don’t have any problem,” the man snapped. “In fact, I am the Emperor of France. I have everything I could possibly want. But I’m afraid my wife, Josephine, is in deep mental trouble.” “I see,” said the psychiatrist, humoring the man. “And what seems to be her problem?”  “For some strange reason she thinks she’s Mrs. Schwartz.”