June 26th Humor

I’m a tall guy whenever I’m in the supermarket, people ask me to get things off the top shelf for them. I don’t mind, but it’s not like I can drop something on the floor and ask a short person to get it for me. I can’t go, “Hey, can you get it for me. You’re closer to the ground.”

After a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. Now I’m 5’3″ tall and pleasantly plump, not exactly Lindsay Lohan. When the nurse asked me for my height and weight, I blurted out, “5 foot eight and 125 pounds.” As the nurse paused to check her eyesight, mom leaned over to me and said, “Sweetheart, this isn’t the Internet.”

A senior dowager aboard a cruise ship was not impressed by the lively jazz band blasting their horns in one of the shipboard restaurants. When her waiter came around, she asked, “Will they play anything I ask?” “Of course, madam!” replies the waiter. “Then tell them to go play shuffleboard!”