* It is a lawyer eat lawyer world out there, which explains why companies have saddled their products with ridiculous warnings. Case in point, I opened the package of Dr. Scholl’s “Freeze Away” a product that removes warts. Inside was a 12 page manual with tiny print. On page 3 it had the following statement: “Do not use if you cannot see clearly enough to read the information in the information booklet”.

* An attorney and his five-year-old son were strolling through the mall. When a woman wearing a cervical collar walked by, the boy exclaimed, “Look, Dad it’s a plaintiff”.

# My glasses fell apart again and I took the pieces to the optician along with the two teenie, tiny screws that I spent a long time on my hands and knees digging out of the carpeting in my living room. I handed the pieces to the optician and he immediately went to a number of little drawers that were filled with parts and came up with two screws that just exactly fit my glasses. I asked him why he just did not use the screws I had found in the carpet. He explained. “Mam, those were not screws from your glasses those were cookie crumbs”.