There are a lot of voices in Florida

On Sunday, deputies were called to the Dollar General on West Highway 26 in Ocala to investigate a commercial robbery. An employee said a man took cash from the register and fled on foot. The police report stated that while deputies were on their way to the store, they saw a man matching the suspect’s description walking along Highway 326.  Police stated that the employee immediately recognized the suspect as 31-year-old Matthew Pringle, and said it was the same person who robbed him two years ago. The very next day, Pringle returned to the same Dollar General location and was recognized by an employee from the robbery from the day before. However, when the employee tried to call 911, Pringle allegedly jumped him, took the phone from his hand and knocked him to the ground. Pringle fled on foot after taking an unknown amount of cash from the register, but deputies were able to locate him and detain him about a quarter-mile away. During his apprehension, the report said Pringle told officers he was “hearing voices that were directing him to conduct the robberies.” 

Brandon Hall walked into his Collier County home at around 3 a.m. Wednesday. He said he heard voices, but thought it was just the TV left on. The sound was actually coming from inside his bedroom. “When I opened my bedroom door, my stuff’s on the floor and there’s just a naked guy sitting on my bed. I mean there’s no other way to put it,” he said. The naked stranger was 38-year-old John Lyles, a man who said he lived nearby. “He kept saying that he lived here and next thing you know he said that someone had sent him here. And we don’t really know anyone around here,” Hall said. Hall rushed outside and called 911. Lyle continued to stay inside the residence. When deputies arrived, Lyle was wearing Brandon’s bathrobe – but he was still exposed. Lyle didn’t know where he was and admitted to smoking crack cocaine earlier. He told deputies he was off his schizophrenia medication. Lyle was taken into custody. Deputies say he threatened them while in the back of their patrol car.

Andrew George and Natasha Kachuroi, rented a room at a motel and apparently needed the privacy for a chemical experience. About 30 minutes after the rental, the pair realized a ghost was chasing them, They left the motel after arguing for half an hour to get their money back. Once outside, they saw movement in the shadows and realized the ghost was tracking them and they hid among some trees near the parking lot. Thinking they had lost the ghost they walked through a residential neighborhood and the ghost caught up with they started running from house to house ringing doorbells and trying to get in the houses to escape their apparition pursuing. One senior lady let them in to her house, but her husband quickly realized they were delusional and threatened Andrew with a butcher knife, while his wife called 911. When police arrived, they found Andrew laying across the front steps of the house bleeding from a stab wound and Natasha hovering over him. Andrew allegedly told officers “He couldn’t get in [to the home] due to ‘god’ telling him the female (Natasha) was a bad person to hang out with.” Andrew admitted taking ecstasy and “that is why he believes God was not protecting him from making bad choices.”

What did you say?

Man goes to confession, complaining of hearing voices.
“Father, every day I hear a voice telling me how bad I am, and chastising me for all the things I’ve done wrong in my life. Am I possessed?”
“No”, says the priest, “just married.”

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline:
***  If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
***  If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
*** If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

This is the story of the poor ditzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.
He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out for help.
“May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don’t know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!”
She hears a voice over the radio saying: “This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I’ve had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! First, give me your height and position.”
She says, “I’m 5’4″ and I’m in the front seat.” “O.K.” says the voice on the radio…. “repeat after me: Our Father…Who art in Heaven…”

November 17th Birthdays

1944 – Lauren Hutton, 1966 – Sophie Marceau, 1979 – Rachel McAdams, 1994 – Raquel Castro

1944 – Danny DeVito, 1938 – Gordon Lightfoot, 1942 – Martin Scorsese, 1979 – Tom Ellis

Morning Motivator: