What’s that in your pants?

What’s that in your pants?

Traffic stops by police, especially after midnight, are a grab bag.  About 3:15 a.m. Monday the Charlotte County sheriff stopped a lone car for blowing a stop sign. The driver, a 22-year-old man, told a deputy he and his 25-year-old female passenger had been out trying to collect frogs and snakes from the underpass of Oil Well Road. The deputy looked into the junk filled car and asked the pair to show him the wildlife they had collected. The woman opened a backpack to reveal 42 three-striped mud turtles and one softshell turtle. He asked them to get out of the car. When he asked the woman if she had anything else he should know about she reached into her yoga pants and pulled out an alligator. The two occupants of the car were cited for violating bag limits for reptiles.

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.” The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.” “Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.” “I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.” “Well, then we need a urine sample.” “I’m sorry officer I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I’ll get really low blood sugar.” “Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.” “I can’t do that, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m too drunk to do that.”

“So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”

“When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.”
“You’re wrong, officer, it’s only my hat that makes me look that old.”

A traffic cop pulled over a speeding motorist and asked, “Do you have any ID?”
The motorist replied, “bout what?”