KGB steals Dutch Strategic Cheese Reserve
While the world has been distracted by the Russian invasion of Ukraine and the war crimes there, no one seems to care about the dastardly theft of a natural treasure from Holland. The Dutch have put tough sanctions against Russia and among them had been blocking the sale of Putin’s favorite kind of cheese. The result has been a series of high-value cheese thefts. Thanks to a thriving black market exploiting Dutch cheese shortage,s KGB stealth thieves are capitalizing on the shortages. Cheese thefts worth more than £17,000 have disappeared from warehouses, apparently stolen by organized crime gangs for the secret Moscow market. In addition, more than 5000 pounds of Putin’s favorite cheese worth over EUR 21,000 was stolen from one dairy farm. The thefts have reportedly set the farm back by six months in terms of production after all the cheese wheels maturing in storage were stolen.
Theo Dekker, Chairman of dairy farmers organization, said: “We will need better security for our cheeses from now on. This is not just a simple theft, it’s organized crime.” He also added that suspicious Russian sounding visitors were noted visiting the farm’s shops to conduct a survey of the area before the thefts are carried out. And he believes the cheeses are popping up on the black market stores for VIP’s in Moscow after Putin gets his slice. Dekker discounted amateur thieves who have attempted to steal before, they’ve been quickly arrested quickly thanks to the codes on the cheese wheels. However, he thinks that this latest theft is a sign of troubling things to come. “We are a bit afraid of this, they don’t shy away from entering a cheese farm with brute force. In no time they fill their bus and leave.” Dekker added that the different products made out of special raw materials attract certain special consumers and deliver a big payday for thieves. “It is of course never pleasant to have burglars in your yard,” he said. So far, no shots have been fired and none of the staffs have been injured. Netherlands has asked the UN to investigate this breach of their national sovereignty.
Jokes about Cheese Big Wheels
Putin’s KGB reputation came with him into the presidency. The story went: Putin opens
the refrigerator and sees a plate of quivering Jello.
Putin yells “Stop shaking! I am only getting the milk.”
A woman wanted to buy a bagel with cream cheese at my deli.
I told her we only take cash or card.
Many years ago I knew a man who’s love for God was matched only by his love of
dipping meat into melted cheese.
That’s right, he was a Christian fonduementalist.
Washington, DC, is to lying, what Wisconsin is to cheese.
April 8th Birthdays
1990 – Gabriella Wilde, 1987 – Milana Aleksandrovna, 1992 – Shelby Young, 1984 – Kirsten Storms
1976 – Heinz Ward, 1996 – Kyle Allen, 1976 – Freddie Prinze Jr, 1973 – Sung Kang