Ah, Hawaii! Sunshine, sandy beaches, tropical warmth … thousands of aggressive feral chickens. If you visit Oahu you will be surprised and entertained for 15 minutes by all the chickens walking and fluttering around. Including crossing the roads to the serenade of screeching tires. Likely the thrill will wear off pretty quickly because no matter where you go or what to do there will be chickens. They seem cute at first, but then you realize chickens are not just TV creatures. They really walk any where they want. They defecate whenever the mood hits them and they are constantly clucking and pecking. They have become the bane of the entire island as silly as it sounds. “The feral fowl are dirty and drop their waste, with strong smells, all over the walkways, driveways, and street area. I’ve seen them on top of the garbage cans of adjacent properties creating havoc and damage as they tear open trash bags and scatter the trash all over.” The situation has gotten so unbearable that the Hawaii State Legislature has all but declared war on the chickens. Unfortunately for the humans, the chickens seem to be winning. “It’s a bit of a complicated matter because, legally, people in residentially zoned areas can own chickens, they can have two chickens on their property. More than likely, it was the domesticated chickens that got loose and just started procreating. Some have pointed to hurricanes Iwa and Iniki, which struck Hawaii. The storms wrecked many of the locals’ chicken coops, releasing the birds into the wild. “We want to be humane. But at the same time, this is really a road hazard, a health hazard, and we need to take care of all of our communities,” State Senator Bennette Misalucha
In March 2022, Honolulu installed traps in five locations around the city. Over the two-month period, the traps caught only 67 chickens while costing around $7,000 —totaling $104 per bird. In July, authorities on Oahu resorted to one last desperate measure. They put up signs reminding locals not to feed the chickens. “This is part of a larger effort to try and mitigate the feral chicken population. I think for a lot of people, it’s a novelty to them. They’ll feed birds, they’ll feed chickens, they’ll feed various animals in the parks and they don’t understand the broader causes and consequences,” “From dawn to setting sun, there is a constant crowing daily, and I work from home so it is hard and sometimes embarrassing if I have to make a call to the mainland and it sounds like I am in a barnyard.” Over the 40 years since, the chickens have enjoyed a Hawaiian vacation. They also have a growing axis deer population, initially a gift to King Kamehameha V in the 1800’s, the deer thrive on Maui and Molokai. Like the chickens, residents complain the deer run rampant, destroying native flora and encroaching on urban communities. Not even a growing hunting industry has been able to make a significant dent in their populations. Even paradise get its feathers ruffled.
A chicken and an egg walk into a bar. The barman says, “Who’s first?”
What do you call a chicken in a shell suit? An egg.
I made some jerk chicken today. He didn’t even say thank you.
I started a Tinder app for chickens.
It’s not full time or anything. I just do it to make hens meet.
“Don’t give me the chicken, instead teach me how to lay eggs.”
Once a wise man said.
August 31st Birthdays
1870 – Maria Montessori, 1980 – Yara Martinez, 1976 – Sara Ramierez, 1953 – Marcia Clark
1949 – Richard Gere, 1935 – Frank Robinson. 1972 – Chris Tucker, 1928 – James Coburn